A part of me was counting down the days until tomorrow because I consider it one step closer to recovery. But now that I am here, I feel like I didn't have enough time. I didn't have enough time to enjoy the holidays, or my birthday, or see my nieces and nephews. I know it's not forever, but I just wish I could close my eyes and time travel to January when I am home.
I have been packing all day. It almost reminds me of my freshman year of college when I was moving in to the dorms. You never know what to pack, and you are so terrified of leaving anything behind. I spent the afternoon making sure I brought the essentials: playing cards, coloring books, crayons, blank paper to write letters and pictures-- lots and lots of pictures. I even made the collage to hang on my wall. I also bought a tiny (and by tiny- I mean tiny) Christmas tree to decorate with. Just because you are confined to a room does not mean you can't get in the holiday spirit right?
Cancer is undoubtedly the scariest thing I have ever faced, and going through it three times before my 28th birthday is something I never in a million years thought would happen to me. But in some weird, twisted way, I consider it a blessing. Because cancer has changed me forever. It has given me purpose, and tapped in to my deepest ability to love and be thankful for my parents, my family, and my friends. It has made me a better daughter, a better sibling, a better girlfriend, and a better friend. It has given me the opportunity to speak with some amazing people who have all touched my life in different ways. It has allowed me to embrace my love for writing and face my fears of people knowing the truth about my illness. It has given me the ability to inspire and give hope to any one who needs it. It has opened the lines keeping in touch with people from the past. It has taught me that scars are beautiful, and tells a story of a battle worth fighting for. Life is worth fighting for. I know I have so much more to offer the world, and thank you to everyone who will be by my side when I do.